Sunday, June 11, 2006
Reset your watches: It's 1999 and post-nuclear apocalypse time. Five army deserters -- garbed in trendy 80's-chic uniforms supplied, undoubtedly, by the Gap -- seek shelter from the radioactive rain in a deserted military facility comprised entirely of endless corridors and supply closets. Linnea Quigley (also an associate producer) has a nude shower/sex scene, which summons the monsters. The main beast looks like Lou Ferrigno wearing a giant ant mask; he sprays black gunk that makes people melt/explode into puddles of Koogle. (Remember that stuff? Mixture of peanut butter and jelly, came in different flavors. What they're using here appears to be Blackberry.) There's also a mutant chihuahua-sized rat with yellow fangs, and a man-eating baby. Eventually, porn star Ashlyn Gere (billed as "Kim McKamy") turns into one of those angry, violent zombies from Evil Dead (1981). Why? Something to do with weapons-grade amino acids, if the one exposition scene can be believed. Stupid combination of Alien (1979), It's Alive (1974), and a bottle of NyQuil. Director David DeCoteau confuses cinematic suspense with extended shots of nothing happening in the dark. Creepocrap.